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Better Days
BETTER DAYS
ONCE I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING I DREAD TO FOLLOW THROUGH IN MY DAYS
BECAUSE OF HATRED THAT IV'E SEEN IN MY EYES SHIT JUST FADES
WAY LIKE LIFES JUST A DREAM MORE LIKE A SCEAME WITH LIMITED
POSIBILTYS JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO RECIVE THE GIFT I AINT ASKIN FOR MORE PENNYS BECAUSE IM NOT A GOLD DIGGER I JUST WANT TO LET THE WORLD KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER.
FIRST POEM IV'E EVER WROTE, LET ME KNOW WHATS UP..
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igh...this was more of a short verse then a poem...u need 2 come a lil more complex with ur thoiughts..or bring more emotion to every word...( so it can be simple.just touching..or rlly out there ya feel)...shorten up the lines a little bit, and really write with some creativity..bring ur own life into it..be personal if you have 2....or just really kno ur topic, it will help..or if ur writing right of the top of ur head, just slow down and come with it....all i say is show a lil more compassion and rlly own the piece ya kno...write with all you got..and up the length a lil bit..and it will all come 2gether..other then that...we will give you a break 4 ur first poem..but i think with some practice ull drop harder next time..
HEY IF YOU COULD...DROP A FEW FEEDBACKS..4 MY POEMS IN MY SIG..THAT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED
THANK YOU
OUT
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yah. Thanks Dawg I'll Try My Best. Thanks For The Feed Back Also Dawg...
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One massive lump that you seemed to want to get out. No real constipation here, though there'd be plenty of cleaning to do after.
I'd put it in some structure first and go from there.
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Okay. I'm Not The Best At Poetry But I Will Get Better. Thanks Everybody For The Tips.