"Mysterious Ways"

"Mysterious Ways"
Written by your Father



*7am rings an alarm*, he hops out of bed n he sighs
for another long day workin a job he would never resign
his hands on a project that would pressure his mind
to try and mold the world.. into a better design
at the same time knowing he'd need the touch of jesus
to build a modern Noah's Ark from a bunch of pieces
of brush.. n needless, to say.. his reasons to pray
keepin his faith, seein the things that are needed to change

started with the youth, stopped a young man through God n fate
but was filled wit a lot of hate.. so went ahead n robbed the bank
which landed this bandit in a cell block sedated
payin 5 years of his life to live where hell occupated
now had bigger problems, far as death was concerned
but maybe this troubled teen had some lessons to learn

he then stopped a woman in a convertible wit some chrome rims
needin material things as she wasn't comfortable in her own skin
he stripped her of these things, showin her life's true beauty
feelin good about herself without fitting in a size 2 loosely
finding out that being someone else just isnt her style
took a stand.. in front of the mirror and witnessed a smile

he couldn't question those who found answers in their liquor
but would continue to heal the hearts wit cancer in their liver
patients have the same things to fight for, no matter the disease
which most of us only come to know after we're deceased
he felt best to ask God.. with open arms if he'd lend a hand, bond
putting his foot forth, for all of those who needed a leg to stand on

even HE looked for evidence, all the way back to the pyramid days
but since we all vision God differently, he works in mysterious ways
he would accidently bump into the girl wit the low selfesteem
n drive off with "just married" on the back of a broke limousine
cuz material things are material, which can be replaced if needed
love's blind to the naked eye, only our sixth sense traits can see it
a couple years later, she would have heart complications
an old friend who he held close, made him a heart to heart obligation
he made her feel confident in life when the only thing hypothetical was livin
as she had been living with a very rare type of medical condition
she looked at him, held her chest and offered an organ
if they would take in and raise her daughter named Morgan
expressing how hard it was to agree when he'd see his theropist
cuz they always wanted a child... but had 3 miscarriages
now the boy that robbed that bank, came out wit a hateful revenge
wasnt able to rest.. cuz ever since he was in a cradle was stressed
as he walked down the street, he saw this man from 5 years ago
stuck a gun to his lungs, as this man of faith cried tears of hope
he sighed, cleared his throat.. n sent em to the pearly gates
but that's cuz God had a job for him bigger then the earth could face
the man wit the gun in his hand, would soon face this crime in trial
which showed his blind eyes the white light that led him to find the bible
cuz even though he didnt write the book.. he felt like he could
rewriting history as he took over the job of the man's life he took
the widowed wife told their little girl, cuz all teens get curious
if you remain clueless to blessings, they'll always seem mysterious



...

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...721/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...643/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...845/index.html

booked.

this is a real good verse, man. i am actually pretty shocked reading it because you took this to a whole different level. it was so well structured, that it was like reading a book with absolutely no parts left out or anything fitting out of place. this is a piece some people may actually read and think twice about doing something stupid.. but, then again, that's just a hard deal right there.. see the guy 5 years later from the bank (right) and has a gun on him.. all the time in jail, i would've smoked his ass, too. the guy he shot at the end was from the bank, right? lol. this was a great story, man. only read it once and i am going to read it for the second time again, when i am done here. the way you worded everything, was perfect. very incredible with the writing skills in this piece. the imagery was just insane, dude. i hope to see a few more pieces from you in the OM.

which landed this bandit in a cell block sedated
payin 5 years of his life to live where hell occupated

This was good, only thing is I didnt like the way the first bar was
set up... seemed more like you were talking rather than flowing, if you
know what I mean.

he then stopped a woman in a convertible wit some chrome rims
needin material things as she wasn't comfortable in her own skin
he stripped her of these things, showin her life's true beauty
feelin good about herself without fitting in a size 2 loosely
finding out that being someone else just isnt her style
took a stand.. in front of the mirror and witnessed a smile

I didn't like the transition to this, its like something was completely
left out, like how did he get out of jail, because you went from him
being sentanced to 5 years, and said "then he" and it made it seem like
he walked outta the court room and then did what this verse was saying...
I like the concept and the delivery in this stanza, it was good, every-
thing went together and I like how she came to her senses, so to speak...
just wasnt feeling the transition.

he couldn't question those who found answers in their liquor
but would continue to heal the hearts wit cancer in their liver

At first, I didn't like this line, but after I read it, it was actually
the perfect set up...

The final stanza was ok, but it seemed like you were jumping around facts
at a really rapid pace, so it was hard to keep up with... rushed, maybe?
It really wasn't up to par with the rest of your OM... something seemed
off... but the content was cool... just the delivery of this might be
reworded to create a more smooth transition into what awakening that you
developed...

overall, nice read... you had some lines that really stuck out to me.

Good lookin out fellaz! @AT, rushed though? dudes its almost 60 lines, what do you want a movie script? haha.. not sure if you got the whole concept, this guy did good in the world, to try and make it a better place, then I go into 3 mini stories, first one was a young man who he tried to stop from robbing a bank, but the kid did it anyways, was sentenced to 5 years, the second was about a woman he made feel better about being herself, the third was how he went to hospitals/etc and visited with people that were about to die or with severe medical conditions, then it raps up at the last stanza with the girl he made feel better about herself becoming his wife later down the road (time has passed), then his wife gets sick and needs an organ (heart), so one of the people he visited in the hospitals was about to die so gave his wife their heart as they were going to pass (as long as they took in her daughter as she couldnt raise her anymore and she was really young), then the boy who robbed that bank got out, was still angry at the world, saw him and held him up for money but ended up killing him, which gave him another sentence, where he found God and become a "saint" (taking over the place of the guy that got killed), then the widowed wife and the child they adobted still had each other, which they wouldnt have had if this all didnt go down, making gods works myseterious, not to take away from your feedback, just clearing up anything you might have not got in the first read, cuz maybe your read was rushed? haha jp..

I understood the concept just fine... I am sayin the transition needs work. If you went into three stories, you need to show some how or another
that this was what he has done in the past... it seemed like you were
speaking in the present tense...

Example:
which landed this bandit in a cell block sedated
payin 5 years of his life to live where hell occupated
now had bigger problems, far as death was concerned
but maybe this troubled teen had some lessons to learn

he then stopped a woman in a convertible wit some chrome rims
needin material things as she wasn't comfortable in her own skin


seems like he got sentenced and then just walked out of court...

how does the next stanza have anything to do with that one? its seperate mini stories, and by saying he paid 5 years, that means he was sentenced to AND served the 5 years, I see what you mean by how I could have set it up EVEN MORE, but if you read it correctly, it doesn't skip the fact he served the 5 years, but like I said, I appreciate your feedback and will be sure to note making my set ups even more clear/in depth, but also.. this was for ss and there is a 60 line limit, so I couldn't have went much deeper with that in mind, thanks again though homie, don't take this as me being upset or saying your wrong, most of this is opinionated at the end of the day anyways..

*correction.

You said paying 5 years, right?

When you buy a car, you tell people your paying 30,000 for it, that means it is not paid for yet.

However, if you said paid, the that is past tense. Just trying to help you see where people are going to get confused in the piece. It's a matter of context.

got damnit AT, I keep thinkin someone else dropped feed and its you again lol, he was paying 5 years, meaning he was doing the time, that was in the begining of the piece, and as the piece went on, the main character got married, his wife had medical complications/etc, you think he did that all in a week or something? aha.. check this part out "a couple years later, she would have heart complications" (before i got to the part where the kid get out of jail).. THEN.. "as he walked down the street, he saw this man from 5 years ago"... I'm having a hard time how you didnt see/get that bro, in all honesty it almost seems your tryin too hard to downplay this piece or something at this point, just let it be aha..

lookin for some more feedback, leave links and I'll rtf..

This was a nice drop here, bruh. I like the wording you put in your lines aswell as the concept of the whole piece. The flow was nice and steady through out your verse. It was a long drop, but it was defenitely a nice read. Some lines looked a bit forced though, but i am not going to complain about those little things. You kept consistent through out you verse which is a very good thing. Good job on that. Here are some of my favorite lines of your verse.

started with the youth, stopped a young man through God n fate
but was filled wit a lot of hate.. so went ahead n robbed the bank
which landed this bandit in a cell block sedated
payin 5 years of his life to live where hell occupated
now had bigger problems, far as death was concerned
but maybe this troubled teen had some lessons to learn

fav lines here cuz it's like short story about the life and the things he did in the past to get sentenced. Keep at it bruh. feed this http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...015/index.html

This was a great piece, very good concept, very well executed. Nice story telling here, the imagery was quite vivid and it was very detail oriented. Strong enjoyable multis at the end of every line, some multi-internals in select spots to make a nice flow. So rhyme scheme pretty good, but I'd like to see some more internals used. Good emotion in this story, it had a strong presence, very well written, my biggest complaint would be, I'd like to see greater vocabulary usage, seems pretty simple, basic word choices.

good lookin guys, and word Trajik, I've always noticed I never put a ton of effort in vocab, I kind of just use what comes to mind, more then reaching to use bigger words, something I plan on doing more of, I'll get at your link later tonight bos and I'll hit your verse up as well trajik..