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HERE ARE YOUR TOPICS....
http://img06.deviantart.net/802a/i/2...lla-dzwixu.jpg
http://img13.deviantart.net/1843/i/2...au-d918z7d.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fLG9yW3FJE...es+madness.jpg
Where our soul divides
If Caesar Was A Slave
Selective Debarment
Eminent Floccinaucinihilipilification
Check to the mark. Good luck man! Battling crew members two weeks in a row and shit haha.
Best way to do it lol. Dope topics.
Look how she stands there, alone among a crowd of like peers
She'd rather dig into your soul, than talk over light beers
Cracked windows show her pain, so it's chilly inside
No need to fabricate her make up with a silly disguise
She's been courted by the poor, rich and hopefuls alike
Unpeeled apple of many eyes, prized for most of their life
She lingers in the breeze of blown smoke and hot breath
Flips fingers in the face of old jokes and botched sex
Having no care to fit in, she prefers the out-crowd
Known for talking ears off and binge drinking out loud
What's foreign is her past, paths chosen to get here
That's the outcome of blind driving and "just steer"
"YOU take the wheel, hit the brakes and pump gas"
"Pay the tolls when they approach, I don't have enough cash"
The effort it takes to change is to much, she stays the same
But still the wolves prey on her while howling amazing grace
Touch foul to the feel, her bite, darker than cold nights
Doesn't claim what she's become, can't stand her own sight
Still a plight for sore eyes to anyone with a gaze to give
Deeply wanting what she has, while being too afraid to live
The Dying Tree
http://img06.deviantart.net/802a/i/2...lla-dzwixu.jpg
http://img06.deviantart.net/802a/i/2...lla-dzwixu.jpg
Frost Heaves
Frost heaves...I tossed seeds, stop breeds of legions of the not-steeds,
Regions that I plot trees, damaged by the winds carried over lost seas.
My dog pleas. Brushing brown hair before my hand’s in the basket,
The snack, did I have it? Another blast...rancid, havoc wracked on the planet.
Frail bones. Treats tumble within my skin, white as pale stone.
The male tone, of my dog’s bark...ugh, look at how long my nails’ grown.
Look down in the smashed mirror, into rugged eyes that passed fear,
The cracked sphere, resembling life...it was tougher times this past year.
Sit down and crack my last beer, though my desolate look was courageous.
Jotted down in my book...my reflection was the only look I have got for ages.
Throw the can to the ground, the sound, echoing into the land that was around,
Profound, the irony was that my duty counteracts all the trash that was found.
My dog whimpers, the air lingers that ensures every lung is infected,
The hum of the weapons, still drumming, the year after Trump was elected...
Warfare. The war’s stare, still ever evident across the landscape,
I plant trees, to have plates...but the frost heaves are leaving with the man’s hate!
Frost heaves. Slot knees, snow melts in what seems to be a hot breeze,
I spot bees, trees, creeks begin to bubble and bounce like a snot breathes!
And then my dog sees, a fresh spring, and it runs down, laps with its tongue,
What had begun? For years, my vision now would been a blasphemous one!
Was it hallucination? The rude creation, taken a toll, were my dues mistaken?
We lose our nations, the situation worsens, now I am in place where fruits awaken?
I depart breath. My heart’s set, smile as my dog runs in the water until his bark’s wet.
Stars check into line, the sun shines...I look over my shoulder to where the dark’s left.
And then my mind stops. Approaching over the horizon quickly where the line drops,
My spine hops, into cover, rifle drawn, the vehicles counting announcing nine spots!
The dog bolts, my thoughts jolt..! But my hand his trigger steady....ready...
....My dog growls, raging, running towards the machinery parading heavy!
Panic! How long since have I seen life, but is it life that will give us death?
My rifle to chest, eyes on the sights....I carry the skill of a sniper’s respect!
But the rolls halt, the bolts creaking, great tanks with tracks broken!
The hatch golden, cracks and a man smiles, “Drop your weapon, our land’s open.”
Frost heaves decreasing as the earth warmed and the rocks freed,
The flocks need, the feed of the lake as the world punished the stocks’ greed.
For creatures survive, strive...we entwined all of the evil with lives,
Now my reaches of pride, as I look back at my trees that keep the people alive.
The man who led smiled again, “For all of the nuclear bombs that hurled woe.
Girls will curl toes, let the heard know! Against every odd, you helped the world grow.”
My dog was wrapped in a joy, happy for the first time since the damage deployed,
Tossed seeds CAN plot trees...even when frost heaves leave your planet destroyed.
Nahlidge, this was cool. Part of me feels it could've been longer. Part of me thinks the syllable count was awkward at times. Otherwise, it was a technically sound piece and an interesting approach on the topic. As an audio head, I feel like your topical writing has gone from topical to a little more audio verse esque. Which some might say doesn't make sense but as a full blown topical guy, there's definitely a difference. Where details could really strengthen a story, you choose to have kind of this slick wording instead like you're just kicking back while a homie plays an acoustic guitar and you free style over it. Which against most writers in this league, it'll work, but against a full blown story teller like LE, Self Activate, 143, ect... it's gonna get you an L at least 70% of the time because of the difference in styles. One just outweighs the other bro. Remember Engivale? That guy DOMINATED audio dudes that did the same thing in SS because his stories blew their verses away. Not saying that's the case here, just a prime example. Like I said though. I enjoyed the read just feel like this is the kind of opponent you really need to bring it for.
LE, as I predicted, a brilliant story. Not to mention that flow was fucking SMOOTH and kept a nice consistent pace. I enjoyed the take on the topic and felt your imagery was really solid here. Wasn't AMAZING, but it was still solid nonetheless. The frost heaves wording would've been nicer I feel if it were only in stanza one and three. Having it in all three kinds feels overused for me, but it's a minor complaint. Overall a dope story with nice flow, really all I can say because UFC 196 angered me...
Vote LE for the better, more complete Topical verse. Cool battle though gents. #Peaky
Nalidge
Bro, I've read a shit ton of your work, so I know better than to ever underestimate your skill set. Thus, when I saw this short verse I was actually excited to read it. I figured it would be packed full of slick one liners or lead to some overall mind blowing metaphor at the end. That's usually the type of writing I expect from you. However, in this instance I think my expectations fell short of the actual reality you created. Don't get me wrong it was a nice verse and maybe I missed the underlining concept, but still, it didn't give me the metaphors I wanted or the quotables I hoped for. It was consistent but, lacked those standout moments of text to really make me say wow or grab my attention to the max.
L.E.
This wasn't the best I've ever seen you drop either. One thing that kind of got overwhelming for me was the repetition of the strong 'e' sound. It was unrelenting. LOL. But it flowed consistently. So, yeah. On another note, I thought your story and a good bit of the imagery in it was pretty nice. Also, the overall transition of the seasons and how you used the dogs interactions with the environment to illustrate it was pretty clever.
Vote -- L.E.
I could careless about length. I value quality over quantity any day of the week. In this case tho I think L.E. takes the dub due to the fac the story he told felt more well rounded and complete.
Interesting battle using the same picture.
Nahlidge: The beginning was quite compelling to say at least. Kept a standard flow with a different approach for story elements. Your transitions were cool, but in some areas I feel the imagery lacked more depth. I mean with such a picture I'd expect deeper meaning being illustrated throughout. Not saying it was a bad read just wasn't your better written pieces. Good read nonetheless.
L.E: First off your flow was quite steady that helped your transitions unfold the story with ease. I truly believe your strongest points were storytelling and imagery giving an amazing read overall. Emotion was also set in place and captured a few sad moments here and there. Not much to say that I enjoyed reading this most definitely.
Overall analysis: L.E gmv for the better detailed storyline. Nahlidge I liked your version as well, but I think you held some key points which didn't grasp much expectations. Good read though fellas very intriguing from both pens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.E
Two strong pieces for different reasons. Nahlidge with the short, concise hard hitting quick jabs. L.E. with the flowing storyline and in-depth plot. For this one, I think I'm gonna' have to vote for L.E. It simply reached higher and was executed with more precision and a well-thought out story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahlidge
pretty dope battle. i'm starting to recognize the distinguishing writer's personalities here ha. I'll start out by saying Vote Nahlidge
Nahlidge
I think what's so dope about your brand of writing is that it doesnt need fancy words or intricate schemes and all that crap. It has this real down-to-earth sensibility that just screams "realness". Even the anecdotes within the anecdote was refreshingly humanistic that one has to smile when reading lines like:
This was an awesome character sketch done with lethargic panache. The cool effortless language/style reflected perfectly the apathetic attitude central character. This verse tells of a self extirpate character who never quite realize or recognize the the beauty she holds. The dichotomy between the simple language and underlying depth of content of the verse was almost expert level here because i felt you knew exactly where you wanted to go and how to get there. The story starts out with a complete product: A character of prude idiosyncrasy. Much effort was put into painting this hard as nail character. The second half of the sketch attempted to dissect the monster in the Ms. the most powerful moment of the verse comes with this line:Quote:
YOU take the wheel, hit the brakes and pump gas"
"Pay the tolls when they approach, I don't have enough cash
Comfortable in a state of stasis, u further realize that she isn't necessarily happy with what she is but as the underlying idea of this verse goes: Happiness and content is two different things. Awesome!Quote:
The effort it takes to change is to much, she stays the same
L.E.
I gotta say, i'm becoming a huge fan of yours man. The seamless blending of effortless rhyme schemes, poetic elements and often intricate plot line makes for quite a satisfying and anticipated read. This was no different.
In cinematic details, you executed a great allegory on nuclear winter and the effect of. The winter symbolism, especially in regards to the tree was well executed, imo. The rhyme/flow was, as usual, elite level with very little hiccups in the wording dept (besides that "snot breathes" forced fiasco lol!). You're great at setting scenes; you really use your knack of poetry well to do so. Everything was appealing to the eyes and sense - this is something very hard to do and i commend you for it, sir. So i feel the story tells of a hermit and his dog post-war era. My favorite line was obviously the Evil/lives interwine as it not only represent your witty wordplay but the post war perturbed attitude of survivors of the time. the ending was
So yeah, i vote Nahlidge. Although L.E. came swinging with a very imaginative concept, rhyming mechanics and beautiful diction, to me the most important thing about a verse is the intimacy. Besides the optimistic outlook, there was very little "soul" to L.E.'s verse compared to Nahlidge finely clad narrative of a "lost soul who chose to remain lost because...it worked". It resonated more with me so yeah. Great battle here!
Nahlidge- Short, sweet and slickly rhymed. The piece was a nice, run-on metaphor full of rich imagery and delivered in a way that was easy to follow. I wished you'd go on a little longer than you did. But I'd rather read a good topical with zero fat on it than trudge through something unnecessarily padded out. The punchline was clean, the word choice was simple but not too simple. General flow of the piece was smooth and pacey.
Nice work.
L.E.- Nice post-apocalyptic themed story here. I really enjoyed the imagery of a lone man and his dog struggling to survive in a barren wasteland. The needle thread hope of survival that finally paid off was a nice through line and kept me engaged to the end. I'd say the rhyme scheme felt a little forced at times and that impacted the vocab some, in general this wasn't a big thing, and the imagery and flow of the story more than made up for it.
This was a tough one, but I'm going to have to give it to...
Vote- L.E., I felt he took it on narrative, although Nah took it on tech IMO.
Nah
Your verse was one that could be open to a bevy of interpretations. I like that. the focus on surroundings and perception of the topic vs the literal approach brought out what I think is the most imagery this week. I like that feeling that I can choose what I want to see but not be caught in a space were there were no boundaries. Instead of noticing the tree on the water I was looking at the similar tree in the background and felt the verse was about that tree rather than the obvious one. Dopeness
L
I like this fallout-ish verse. Where you shine is in the progression and the fluidity it was performed. it really brought out some imagery to contend with Nah. Due to the length of your verse you were able to walk with this as well rather than be forced to a speeding ending. Word choices were good and I did think you needed to come with those hard forced rhyme schemes to be fresh. You gave me a path to follow the characters and I didn't deviate from it.
My vote goes to Nah due to the fact that with the brevity of his verse he really brought out some strong dope imagery not reflecting the obvious.....
L.E. Wins 5-2