A Knotted Masculinity

How you knotted my masculinity,
A season will not tell in full. You feigned
My tangled bowels from their ripened-waxy
Skin and ate them there, mashed them there,
Against your teeth, in merry, wide-eyed,
And left, in wake, my bloody-fiery passion.

There’s still red meat on the bones, here!
Come crows, black birds, red your teeth!
Your deep intestines, stain them with me,
Laugh, caw, and tear in my blunder.
The heart sewn, webbed between my ribs,
Take for it has passed its season.

Body of passion, left to beat then dry,
This carcass of fiery worms, eating away
My fervor; when they have gone into the earth,
To feed the warbler with announcing spring,
They will burn with a nature and a love,

Deep in the belly, with my passion, in the bird.

I gave you my pure soul, you infested woman,
Born from man’s rib of anagogic accord,
The tick of my mind and pulse of my marrow,
Veins in their branching wilds, vines
Of my muscles were yours. What tough
Cartilage might satisfy you in my fetid rot?

And what will become of this masculinity?
When these hands can grasp no more,
Than the imperceptible pacifism of geology?
When this flesh fails back into the rock,
These eyes will stare out, from below the brush,
And the birds will mangle the dirt I have become.

Okay, this was pretty good man, No real flaws i can really point out to to be honest... except at times your story line kind of drifted, especially nearer the middle and it was a little hard to follow. But aside from that, pretty origional content, not so much topic wise but writing wise i felt some pretty indepth imagery and slight vivid emotion... if i was to sya work on anything, it would be on the emotion of the pieces... although you had all the other elements in here, the emotion was just lacking for my personal taste dude... But hey that's just my taste, i like poetry with alot of imagery and emotion... other don't... that's the beauty of poetry.

But hey, nice piece man, Keep up.

Word thank you, yeah and if it seem'd as if I was rambling, I was lol.

Uppin

this piece was also good. i read it twice and i really couldnt find any mistake i felt like you sturuggled in the 2nd part because all of a sudden it became hard to follow but you picked it up again in the 3rd which is good because you have an ability to recover something whick most people dont have. the content was great in this piece better than your last piece and the emotion you had was amazing. it wasnt only good but it wasnt forced which many people try to do your just came natural your storyline was creative and original and your overall verse was good asweel 8.5 in my opinion your getting better and better with every piece sooner or later you'll see your name in the hall of fame.

Yeah this was a more recent piece, the last piece I wrote a few months ago, thanks for your feed fam.

this was a very great piece, man. the vocab usage was on point. the topic fit. i dont know how else to put it. but the second part did seem as if you fall off. like the other guy told you before. but its really nothing to worry about. it caught my eyes. keep on posting and ill leave you feed backs.

Thankyou, leave links fam...

and gone.

word like I said above this is one of my new'r piece's the last one was wrote some months back.

if anything, this was best used emotionaly. I didnt real care for your flow, seemed fucking weak to me. The Wordplay was Decent. The..

Deep in the belly, with my passion, in the bird

part was not needed. i didnt like that shit. I felt your structre and creativty were nice. But I never got into the story you attempted to bring my little buddy. Keep elevating and fuck who ever hates my feed.

~Jon.

Okay....

bump

good shit, liked it ..it didn't have a huge plot to it, kind of like a stephen king piece or something ..no plot or moral behind it, just a write up on some crazy subject written with elegance and odd/creative phrasings. there wasn't much i could grab out that was bad in this except that it was almost bland ..i felt like i was reading the same thing twice at times, or i'd have to reread something because it was phrased so weird. but other than that, i'd say it was a pretty solid piece ..good read, thanks for the feed on my piece earlier too btw ..good job ..


- Ida

Closed- by demand.