XII MadMike v.s sdizzle

[ILLunatic]

Verses Due May 26th
Voting Ends May 29th


Topic - Pain takes over

[Scott B]

check check check

[Scott B]

it absorbs me, the utter thought controls my mind
think ahead yet thoughts are left deep behind
what my next move, shoul di take it slow or fast
akwardness like considering wut to write on a freinds cast
whats the outcome, will i get a laugh or be take serious
heart running faster than cars in the fast and furious
still curious, shall i plunge deeper into my own seduction
an emotion conceled by mental pain, starts my slow recution
first i concider jumping straight in, but i back off slowly
first attempt i strike out, but not the good type as in bowling
this struggle i have aint good, its holding me back off
mentally fatigued, sickened the girl still had her top on
wondering why, pain suddenly appears, need to leave
can hardly breathe, hearts racing then begins to freeze
never again, im a pussy wut was i thinking
i cant take advantage of this girl with all weve been drinking
pain appears, thank god for saving our lives
coulda been another baby born from an unwed wife

[Mad Mike]

Finger tips hit the cell pad to call up the cab..
..Had to go to uptown to see his mans about a bag
His name was Dan...A true phien for Crack an Dope..
..Always broke..either shot up or snorted all of his doe
The Cabbie rolled up...he let his door shut on his way out..
..Didn't even think that it'd b the last time he'd c his house
Got in and told the driver to Roll out to East Main...
..Mental addiction came into play...Needed a shot to ease the pain
Driver asked.."Are you ok?...your sweatin bullets kid!"..
..Dan responded Don't worry I gotta cold...I'm a bit sick
Driver precedid to drive n' w/ in no time the destination arrived..
..He got out n' ran n ditched the cab, laughed n' screamed BYE!
Ran to his mans to get high..Only one block to go.. .. ..
..But shit, He'd climb a fucking moutain to get a Bag of dope
Reached his mans home, Finally ....he rang the bell...
..His mans yelled..."Who is it?... Eyyo,Im busy as hell"
Yelled back..Its Dan...His mans said oh shit boy come rt in..
.. Dan Walked thru the door bought the Heroin and shot it in
Kicked back on the couch..ready to pass the fuck out..
..When suddenly he heard get the fuck on the ground
The Door got busted down..Police Holding their Gats..
...Without thinking twice dan ran out the Back
Police followed and ran..They certainly gave chase..
. .But when he stopped n' turned round' They shot em' in the face
He had no weapon on his waiste..But the Officer said it looked to b..
..What he thought was a gun..was jus the sleeve's on Dan's hoody
Now the Man is dead, Mostly cuz he couldn't stay Sober..
..Pain from addiction now seized...Now a sorrow of Pain takes over

[Mad Mike]

Upping this shiot!

[Scott B]

upping i guess

[Perpetual]

i vote mike, for hainvg a good story
good description on the whole drug think

sdizzle, yours was kinda hard to follow
didnt really get where you getting at
and your similes were corny
so
v/mike for having a good plot, and being discreptive

[EleMense]

Yea.....

Dizzle's piece was difficult to follow.....the only line i liked was the akwardness with signing the friends cast line........that wasn't bad....but the whole story....didn't really follow that.....the concept wasn't that good.....

Mike's piece was simple, but descriptively simple....lol.....it was a cool read.....an it painted a picture in my head, and was simple to understand and breeze through....which is why I feel he got the win here no doubt.....

Vote - Mad Mike

[Scott B]

good job mike

['PercepTion']

Dizzle: You verse was a little, well, inconsistent,
the bar length was varied & your flow was a little
hard to follow. You need to expand your voacb a
little, a decent vocab lets you play with words and
have double-meanings etc.... & try to improve your
imagry...

Mike: Came strong, however some place seemed
a little simplistic, But you showed a good knowledge
of the topic and you seemed to portray it well...
You had a good story going on, and it was a decent
length which was good..lol, So, so flow, some more
internals maybe, but it was good...

Vote: MadMike

[Mad Mike]

Thanks, props to u to

[Topic]

Hmmm, sdizzile still seems like hes running into problems. Elevated alot in topicals since i last read one of his, so dont get me wrong it is good, but just like ^ said its inconsistent
Mad Mike - nice verse, Alright read, kept me interested

vote - mad mike

[Mag...]

I think dizzle...

you are probably not approaching topical the right way... it's not a battle.. .but it almost seems as if you can't bring in the needed internal and multi structure to elevate past a mere text battle... it was ok... but it seemed kinda cumbersome in flow and pacing

mike... not a bad lil drop... i think you played to your opponents ability and only came with what was needed... which is fine... you didn't blow me away in any of the quote unquote 'categories' of flow, vocab, content....etc... but you did show a stronger command of a topical style...

v=mike

[Junio]

sdizzle, it was well written and everything, but maybe you were having a bad week because not alot was incorperated into your hitting of the topic. but your obviously a good writer. madmike came with a pretty cool verse which gives him the win.

vote-madmike

[ILLunatic]

MadMike wins, Closed.