Oncoming Traffic

[Moniker]

my hands are pushing the pedal
my feet desperately gripping the wheel
im aimlessly steering this forged metel
through crowded cracking streets
where steel eagerly meets
the unforgiving concrete

twisting through treacherous turns
trying to touch this tainted town
which is abandened without concern
these once crazed congested streets
quickly left seeming incomplete
are now, uneasily discreet

driving dangerously deeply distraught
doubting, distressed, distrusting death
contemplating past, lost and hidden thoughts
unknowingly forgetting to shift
as i suddenly drunkenly drift
into oncomming traffic...

sinking swiftly unable to regain control
my mind shaken, shaded memories fading
grasping lifes hand, steadily loosing a hold
succuming to constant dark temptations
left me in this horrid situation
can i reclaim salvation?

my hands crushed beneath the pedal
my feet crippled and curled within the wheel
i lay admist this rusted heep of forged metal
on silent stained streets
my soul sorrowfully meets
the unforgiving concrete

[Moniker]

up.

[Se7eN]

nice piece liked the imagery...........juss deep and thought it related to what I feel sometimes...............I loved this lil piece........vocabulary was str8.........hey hit my poem up......it's the last taste poem...under yours

[Moniker]

appreciate the reply. i responded to yours.

[Bloom.Quist]

Nice Mindless.Liked how you wrote this. Good emotional expression, on a decently abstract topic. Liked how you palyed this through. Wasn't feeling flow, but that doesn't matter in poetry to me, as long as emotion is there. Also greaet job with imagery. Nice job

[Moniker]

thanks man.

[Moniker]

*edited. added stanza 4.

up

[Mesmerize]

Imagery was excellent.....I could really feel the emotion. Also nice vocab. You really kept my attention on this piece, not really anything I could find wrong with it. Good Job.

check my new piece out, I just finished it and could use some feedback.....thanx

[Moniker]

thanks mes. ill be sure to check yours