Lmao. Wow, ego.Originally Posted by warchild
Wasn't that good. Sorry.
Lmao. Wow, ego.
Wasn't that good. Sorry.
mˈpɛr ˈse
–noun
by, of, for, or in itself; intrinsically.
started nice, very consistent...it was the same level all the way through. i liked how you expressed your thoughts so straight forward and aggresively. rhymes scheme was good, structure wise was average. i'd say 8/10
best lines were...
So ill i should of died at birth, at eighteen i tried a verse
Dope from the start, quotes from the heart, drive a hearse
To your funeral cause after these scriptures your lifes over
Im a booze addict, i choose classics, so i got to write sober
The last three years ive been in an asylum now this mans free
Most of you rappers talk tough but still cry at the end of bambi
I'll listen to your single then spew up when the songs finished
Then send you a fucking fan letter with a bomb in it
..lmao at bambi.
word.
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Yea like they said before, this shit was nice man, ur structure was good, internals and mutlies were there, flow was good, content was all around great man. Keep writing and dropping and if ya get the chance can ya rate these for me
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214926
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215739
Shit aint never had this much feed on one of my pieces before must be working me getting fucked off with being slept on.
Thanks for all the feed nice to see lay doubt and fawn replying to my stuff i mostly get the new dudes replying to my shit.
Yeah bruklor this aint a real strong piece this is just my basic shit just punches i can do much better shit than this.
I hope next time i drop a piece the more senior members of the site will drop some feed again, thanks for the feed i appreciate it.
FLow was real. I liked the hate message in this one, cause It was an agry emotion I felt, just missing a storyline kinda, thats why I give this 8.1/10 It needs sumthin to happen, cause this was all thoughts, nothin bad about that..but some physicall action wud dopen this peace.
Stay up, pz.
^Thanks for the feed, im working on some deeper concepts at the moment so i should have something upnext week. Until then might as well keep uppin.
Sorry it took so long to reply.
this was decent.your flow was good,the rhymescheme wasn't that simple.i would've liked your rhymecheme more if you would've went with the same multisyllabe rhymes in more lines.also a change in meter would've made the flow more complex.the problem was with the topic...you should try to be more creative and come with topics that aren't that played.the vocab was decent,but i didn't like all the wordchoices,some words were chosen mainly to keep the rhyme going,some just didn't fit in.also i would suggest you try a better structure,use better punctuation,because in some parts that was really needed.the lack of punctuation in that parts made it weird for me to read your piece sometimes.keep writting.
Def Poets Society
yo dat shit was pretty bangin i like da multis used n how u kep it makin sense ,,big ups
Uppin this till i post a new piece.
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