AdHd

[Kapital J]

Whenever I spit
I get sick in the stomach
But despite the sickness
When im finished with somethin
I take a pen and a pad
And begin another
Its like me and rap was meant for eachother
Considerin I got ADHD
Its hard for me
To wait patiently for the day
That I turn eighteen
So I can finally meet
My real sisters and brothers
I dont want anything to do
With my grandfather and grandmother
Cuz they didn't wanna take care of me
After the death of my mother
Mainly because
Of the difference in our color
People dont seem to believe me
When I tell em what is eatin me
But if only they could see
The demons that are seeded in me
Breedin beasts that feed
On the thousand degrees
Of heat that my heart releases
Each time it beats
My mind cant seem
To stay focused on one thought
Its like im readin all da slips of paper
That I picked from the pot

[Messiah Kaeto]

Damn. Layout.

The layout was difficult to follow man, would work much easier 9for the reader) if you laid it out like so:

Whenever I spit I get sick in the stomach
but despite the sickness when im finished with somethin
I take a pen and a pad and begin another
like me and rap was meant for eachother

See what I mean? Makes it easier to follow.

Considerin I got ADHD its hard for me to wait patiently for the day that I turn eighteen so I can finally meet my real sisters and brothers I dont want anything to do with my grandfather and grandmother cuz they didn't wanna take care of me after the death of my mother

Can feel your pain man, but the layout made it seem more like an essay than a verse. raw emotion was clearly there though, so thats a positive.

Layout you can work on, no problem. i noticed a few multi's in there too, which made it flow a little easier, but puncuation is paramount in this "lump of text", if you see what I mean?

Keep at it, I'm sure you can elevate and present it better - don't lose the passion & empotion from your work, and you're onto a better thing already if you take simple steps.

Stay up man,
peace & God Bless.

[Issue]

Listen to what k2 says man, it's hard to get anything out of this piece. The lack of structure and grammar just makes it look ridiculously rushed.

Pretty much all he said man, I struggled reading it and I hope you revise it and repost it.