Every Sale Is Emotion.

[Real Dope.]

Every Sale Is Emotion.

The, grey picture absored all forgotten problems many from our reach,
heart warming souls looking for escape -
many believed in the bible, but we beleived in freedom of speech.
In our moralled hearts words actually ment more than pitiful actions,
Slavery traded for satisfactions,to see torment and our screamish reactions,
They teased us in hard labour with agonising pain switching motions, -
harder they teased i felt, not just our bodys, but in our broken emotions,
We praised in religion for god to show us a path, for unexplained answers,
but, all we got was blood drips, dropping from our eyes onto blinded canvas,
we were proud people,although any dignity i had seemed to have lost it,
out of welfare, greed, heartless bastards, just for better fortune and profits.
Hiding behind closed hands, hoping if i couldn't see them everything will go,
Crying in self doubt, i was scared but for them i was making an ammusing show.

"I wasn't sure i would come out alive" but i knew love was still unborn,
I felt love into my heart, as dignified as a rose followed by their thorn -
The world was aginst me, The seas clashed and the thunderstorm rages,
blotched spotches of ink dripping, so basically hiding under blank pages,
we had no other choice but to be sold, held by our will and the restraints,
God fucked me with heaven, so now im left to believe in the devils saints -
this trade had to stop.., but my ankles and wrists smothered in chains,
weak...my eyes dialated, pain was apart of me as it ran through my veins,
plungered in the spine by this horsmans stick,i set aboard of the dusted ship,
had to obey commands or i'd get whipped, forced me to undress so had to strip,
these bastards need to stop, bruises painted my body with meaningless pity,
Imagining a place off this slavery ship, into a law against slavery city... -

I was stuck in this problem, nothing could stop my unwilling situations,
thinking of a time, where blacks could be set free from grasps of caucasions,
I want this nightmare to end, i hate being locked in a jail cell full of insanity,
freedom of speech was still burning bright, but no movement from profanity.
I just sat there taking the sexual anger, as tears protect my innocent smile,
Law abided citizens ignored there gracious rules, roamed in a place of hostile,
Slavery was painful, we were fed water and wheat just to keep us alive for dollars,
metal "clangs" as we walked, taped into a wooden seat with a iron chrome collars,
we gave up hope... in ever finding a solution, god betrayed us again and again. -
stopped all minds working all movement, and stuck in injustice's domain.


By,
-Official.

[The Incredible Hulk]

we were proud people,although any dignity i had seemed to have lost it,
out of welfare, greed, heartless bastards, just for better fortune and profits.
Hiding behind closed hands, hoping if i couldn't see them everything will go,
Crying in self doubt, i was scared but for them i was making an ammusing show.

^ Thats deep,ocean style man...well phrased....



The world was aginst me, The seas clashed and the thunderstorm rages,
blotched spotches of ink dripping, so basically hiding under blank pages,
we had no other choice but to be sold, held by our will and the restraints,
God fucked me with heaven, so now im left to believe in the devils saints -
this trade had to stop.., but my ankles and wrists smothered in chains,
weak...my eyes dialated, pain was apart of me as it ran through my veins,
plungered in the spine by this horsmans stick,i set aboard of the dusted ship,
had to obey commands or i'd get whipped, forced me to undress so had to strip,
these bastards need to stop, bruises painted my body with meaningless pity,
Imagining a place off this slavery ship, into a law against slavery city... -

^ Great stanza right there,you painted an AMAZING picture of what we were reading,which alot of people cannot do,this was a really deep piece,and was written very well...

we gave up hope... in ever finding a solution, god betrayed us again and again. -
stopped all minds working all movement, and stuck in injustice's domain.

^ deep ending man,sad ending too,because the situation never really got any better for you through-out the whole piece

i take it this was a text piece? not written as audio?i didnt read it as that anyway

flow - 8/10
vocab - 8/10
lyrics - 9/10

Great work...And painted a picture with every line,not seen it done that well for a while.....Keep writing,will definitely check more of your work man

[Real Dope.]

Up'n This Straight To HOF.^^

[.deadproof.]

a wise man once told me..

Deadproof. After the 1st two lines of the first link. No. I already get the vibe that you NEED to write for you. Not the reader.

take this to heart homie. Is this what you're all about?

[The Incredible Hulk]

^Get the fuck out you clown and stfu

[sILLable]

somebodies pushin to get banned...lol

[Real Dope.]

*sigh*
Stop Cloggin' please...loll

Up'nn

[sILLable]

i liked it,and i really only have the same criticism as i usually do,your bars were stretched too long,it threw off the rhyme scheme,i liked the content,full of emotion and it didnt get hidden in this piece,loved the vocab,your imagery was off the top,but i think your bars were just too long,i could read it just fine but it was stretched..all in all i liked the drop though..no hate.keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[Real Dope.]

More FeedBack...

[Cody Nash]

get links or I'm closing this

[Real Dope.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...377/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...404/index.html

[Dyl]

Ok man this aint HOF by any means but since this is the first piece that I've read from you, its not that bad at all.The only problem for me was that you had some really stretchedout lines like Treazon said and it just made me a bit frustrated reading it.It made me frustrated because I could see potential in a lot of lines but then was ruined with some kind of filler.It was stop and start if you know what I mean, thats what it was like reading this.It didn't flow all the way through letting me get a good insight into what you were talking about.They are just some negatives for you to work on.

But other than that there were some lines full of potential that really brought a smile on my face.I can see a good writer in you so unleash the beast!!

[Real Dope.]

Up'n^

[Real Dope.]

Up'n feed,

[Blood Fiend]

nice deep piece. full of emotion but your lines threw me off at some points cause come were too long. but it was a good piece cause of all the emotion you put into it