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Thread: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and feed.

  1. #1
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    Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and feed.

    UNTITLED

    I've danced with the rain, and fought with the thunder,
    Endless nights full of pain and hunger,
    Clock keeps tickin I ain't gettin no younger,
    God please bless me with at least a one hit wonder.
    Give me one chance I'll never go under,
    I can swim, I swear to God I can swim,
    I'll swim with the sharks till' im fresh out o' limbs,
    Then I'll float on my back, with a pen and a pad,
    STILL KILLIN THESE RAPS till i hit land,
    You mothafuckers is wack, straight bustas, soft as custard,
    you think you the shit, well everyday i flush turds,
    and my rhymin skills are not even an issue,
    the way I rip thru these pages like cheap tissue.
    this shit I spit, i don't fake it
    and don't for one second threaten my life unless you gon' take it!
    your engines choked, Im bored and stroked, you'll never reach my displacement.
    I hate this, I just wanna make it, spit flows and rock shows where people stand in amazement,
    No room for all my skeletons in the closet, so i keep em' in the basement.
    No time worth wastin, success is so damn close I can taste it.


    I know the fire is in me, just need to find the kindling
    and get this mothafucker started cuz my life is dwindling,
    down.. damn near next to nothin, and it hurts cuz I've always dreamed i'd never be less than somethin...
    somewhere far from here is that life I never had, could never even imagine
    but you gotta learn to love what you have, isn't that so fantastic?
    i know lifes so drastic, at least i know mine has been, but i don't wanna be a has-been,
    im happy to say I have one best friend, what the fuck man I used to have ten,
    but like titans we got to clashin, what ive been through they were incapable of understandin,
    you fucks are just nuts in a basket, but its time to get this shit crack-a-lackin,
    tired of walkin i wanna be cadilaccin', and when it comes to rappin,
    im eatin these emcees im crushin em', time to put some substance in- this game,
    like a blitz im rushin in, cuz you bitches is lame, cant even read the plays,
    look at the scoreboard, seven-home, zero-away,
    im gonna help save this game, so I guess im a hero in a way,



    look i still got a couple things I wanna say,
    to anyone who wants to listen or give me the time o' day,
    cuz you cant open up a box and pack time away,
    and somewhere the suns shining today, so ill just keep rhyming away,
    fuck an xbox or a ps3, hip hop's the game im dyin to play,
    while you mothafuckers is pickin ya nose, ill be hockin loogies, yeah that rediculous flow,
    have you diggin a hole, 6 feet dying to jump in,
    yeah this mothafuckin track is bumpin, fuck the world, freedom of speech ill never stop cussin,
    yeah im nuts ill never stop bustin, feel like i just went from nothin to somethin,
    smokin kush- so high im snow capped, fuck yeah im about to put 810 on the map,
    C-Fresh one of the few white boys that can rap,
    you really think you got punchlines?,well i feel like pac man and its crunch time,
    you stuck at that 9 to 5 waitin on lunchtime!

    © Fluentt 2010

  2. #2
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    Honast Feedback would be nice!!!

  3. #3
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    I've only just started writing so I'll tell you what I think but it won't be as good as some other feedback you'll get.

    Anyway some very good lines, personally one that really stood out to me was:

    "I know the fire is in me, just need to find the kindling
    and get this mothafucker started cuz my life is dwindling"

    Like the metaphorical speech there.

    This line I personally found great:

    "you fucks are just nuts in a basket, but its time to get this shit crack-a-lackin,
    tired of walkin i wanna be cadilaccin' "

    I think it's pretty much 'coz that's what I want too lol.

    It was a bit long in my opinion, but like I said, my opinion.

    Feel free to give me some feedback on my piece.

  4. #4
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    thanks 4 the input

  5. #5
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    Yo i can definitely feel your hunger, i like that u werent just bullshitting and spit str8 from ur heart.... u managed to have a couple of ill punchlines and metaphors in it stillz

    quik rundown

    I've danced with the rain, and fought with the thunder,
    Endless nights full of pain and hunger,
    Clock keeps tickin I ain't gettin no younger,
    God please bless me with at least a one hit wonder.


    Started it marvelously, those 2 bars resume the rest

    Give me one chance I'll never go under,
    I can swim, I swear to God I can swim,
    I'll swim with the sharks till' im fresh out o' limbs,
    Then I'll float on my back, with a pen and a pad,
    STILL KILLIN THESE RAPS till i hit land,
    You mothafuckers is wack, straight bustas, soft as custard,
    you think you the shit, well everyday i flush turds,
    and my rhymin skills are not even an issue,
    the way I rip thru these pages like cheap tissue.
    this shit I spit, i don't fake it
    and don't for one second threaten my life unless you gon' take it!


    my fav part

    like a blitz im rushin in, cuz you bitches is lame, cant even read the plays,
    look at the scoreboard, seven-home, zero-away,
    im gonna help save this game, so I guess im a hero in a way,


    fav part of the 2nd verse

    look i still got a couple things I wanna say,
    to anyone who wants to listen or give me the time o' day,
    cuz you cant open up a box and pack time away,
    and somewhere the suns shining today, so ill just keep rhyming away,
    fuck an xbox or a ps3, hip hop's the game im dyin to play,
    while you mothafuckers is pickin ya nose, ill be hockin loogies, yeah that rediculous flow,
    have you diggin a hole, 6 feet dying to jump in,
    yeah this mothafuckin track is bumpin, fuck the world, freedom of speech ill never stop cussin,
    yeah im nuts ill never stop bustin, feel like i just went from nothin to somethin,
    smokin kush- so high im snow capped, fuck yeah im about to put 810 on the map,
    C-Fresh one of the few white boys that can rap,
    you really think you got punchlines?,well i feel like pac man and its crunch time,
    you stuck at that 9 to 5 waitin on lunchtime!


    rocked the verse, my fav

    ok im gonna say this technically u can get lots betters of course, but man u were still good.

    7/10 keep writing
    Last edited by Half-Eye; July 12th, 2010 at 05:15 PM

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    while ur at it, plz holla at my verse

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...98#post7742298

  7. #7
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    uppin'

  8. #8
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    uppin

  9. #9
    I could fly if I wanted Silk Sky's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    youre supposed to leave two links of feed with your thread, otherwise it might get deleted.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    "Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"

  10. #10
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled 3 Verse Keystyle- Please Rate and fee

    closed. read the rules.

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