cold. bored.

[MW]

Muh souls frozen cold
like the mountains in tha artic
bite you in half way faster
then a common shark attack
In Fact - I blast cats
With swords that look like Gats

So perhaps

Im not your average Jack

Demons call me King

Cripple you bitchy Queens

Make em’ bleed from the Spleen

Aced

Im Heartless - Rutheless,

Lets just say Soul-less

No question said

I Sold It

But can’t quite say emotionless

Cause I do get pissed off angry - SHIT

FUCK OFF

Yeah, Fuck rage agaisnt the machine

Im the Machine thats inna rage

Erasing anything My Robotic eyes seen

((im not even there))

I stay on the green - herb & paper

Im out there shredding:hosea2: teens - Master Shredder

Fuck that - My shit is much greater then a masked preditor

[Solidus]

You've got a poem in basically a chopped up format. So the entire structure of it kinda throws off the flow, from what I can see. You've got a few internal hits that are recognizable, but could've been executed a bit better.

Im not your average Jack

Demons call me King

Cripple you bitchy Queens

Make em’ bleed from the Spleen

Aced

A great example of what I mean. Im feelin the original concept of it. This is most likely the best scheme I've taken note of.

I stay on the green - herb & paper

Im out there shredding teens - Master Shredder

Fuck that - My shit is much greater then a masked preditor

Im not exactly sure what you meant by that, sicne it doesnt connect much to one another. But good try anyways.
Overall, keep writin. You've got a start, just keep the ball rollin & elevate as you progress, feel me? Live Lifted.

[Solidus]

Mistaken double post.