Lose you life to me (Lose youself parody)

[Verbatim]

Look.....
If you had....
one shot.....
To go and get Revenge....
without help or any support from the crew.....
it's all up to you....
would you go for it......
or just let it slip......
yo...

I'm pumped, i'm ready
fists clenched, standin steady
gettin pissed off already
face is sweaty
i'm nervous
but on the surface, i look pissed and ready
to fight,
i know it's not right
but i don't give a fuck
you fuckin suck
buddy....i'm gonna fuck you up!

i'mma snap ya neck like a MK fatality
fuck...you up like police bru..tality
O there goes kremit (krem for short)
I'm stoked
I'm so mad but i won't
let you off that easy
no..
I won't let you, you know
your gonna die to me tho
i'm so mad, that i glow
i'm so pissed, i'mma kill ya slow
and when i'm done i throw, your body in the river
like i didn't deliver, make people shiver
i better go before i get caught and goto to jail for ever....


Hook:
lose your life to me, the moment i see you
i'm not gonna hold back, dude i don't like you
it's over your done i killed you bitch...
for anyone else, bitches i don't take no shit



hahaha just some shit i found in my lyric book
forgot bout that shit,
uppin

[Forlorn]

Wack....No need to write anything else...u know the deal....

[prophiit]

I'm pumped, i'm ready
fists clenched, standin steady
gettin pissed off already
face is sweaty
i'm nervous
but on the surface, i look pissed and ready
to fight,
i know it's not right
but i don't give a fuck
you fuckin suck
buddy....i'm gonna fuck you up!

You used the same words over and over again and this was way off for the lose yourself beat. You did try and use the rhyme scheme but I feel you fell short. I'm not gonna say anything stupid like "elevate son" or "you suck" since you said you found this in your rhyme book and forgot you had it look at it as a shining example of how much better you are or can be. 1

[Manimal!]

Yeah, you fell off the beat in certain parts, and re-used the same rhyming words over and over, but i realise this was a parody and only done for kicks so i wont criticise it too hard, flow was pretty nice although it slipped at times, vocab wasnt too basic, stuck to the topic of kiiling, i liked the intro section. Just try keeping it to the beat a little more next time i guess.

Reply to mine: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=73796

[D-Fyne]

Yeah that's what I found too. You didn't stick to the "Lose Yourself" rhyme scheme. I also realize that this was just somethin you done for fun. Other than that I like it.

[BLuNT]

yea this sucked man... vocab was pitiful, no wordplay, no... well anything I can point out as a lyrical achievement.. this is something I could have come up with in grade 5 if the origional song was out... you copied the style (did a bad job of it) an' delivery which was equal to your style...

[MiCsYcKlE]

Hey Blunt your good but not that good cheif

I hate how you think your MR HIP HOP

[Bottom Line]

U could have did way betta than this dog. Personally I like the Idea u just could have put more thought into it.

[BLuNT]

micsyckie... I'm a hell of alot better than you... my comment was called for if you read the rhyme.. it's bad enough he did a parody to lose yourself... the song's played as it is.. lol... it's not beef, I just wanted to stress the point the kid needs to elevate.. you think no-one ever told me I suck, it's the only way to weed out the emcees with no passion... 'cause if they really want it, being told they suck will just make them try harder..

[Verbatim]

again i said it was old