Some people say revenge is sweet,
like a butcher's finest end of meat.
but what is revenge to me?
its being on your hands and knees,
in the garden of Eden picking weeds.
it cannot be deciphered right,
a rush of adrenaline, and hyper might.
vengeance does it fight contrite ?
or is it holding torches in the light.
Ummm...I dun know if you were serious dropping this piece. It was so short. but the vocab and metas were well done and the flow was right on. Also it was jus interesting.
Vet opinion here please. My first poetry drop http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119931
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To short feebs.....You coulda ran this topic a bit longer...
It was nice though, vocab was good, rhymes were dope
"its being on your hands and knees,
in the garden of Eden picking weeds."
^^^^^nice metta
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120182
^^^^^^^^thanx
Poetry isn't always long. In fact some of the best poetry is very short. Sometimes even simple lines. Anyway what im saying is to never judge a poem by its length.
Didn't really like this much. Way to simplistic. Good imagery and structure was right on, but i didnt really like it. My opinion.Peace
Po'Ethics - Est. 2004
Sitck to battling....and I'll stick to whatever is that I do....
you guys are walking blind into sunlight. lol.
lol^^^ feeble that shyt was to short if
it was longer it would have been tight
*** but for the mean time stick to battlin**
interesting use of simplicity.
rawness can be mistaken for childish but if taken in the right light i can see the value in your lines.
I thought the beginning of the second stanza seemed a bit slow.
I saw where you were going with the theme here; it seems as though the last two lines seem awkwardly pathetic statements... i don't know whether or not this was intentional but theres something there...
the conclusion is lost here, just as is the case with revenge itself. yes or no? consequences? what does it say about the person......
sometimes questions are all that's needed.
.wurd.
[re]produce [y]our Mother's b[r]e[a]st milk...
and patch dark spots in the sun
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