This was good, mad emotional, das how i feel about my momz
Keep em comin`
This was good, mad emotional, das how i feel about my momz
Keep em comin`
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Up.
Move on , no irony here.
That woz sweet n respectable gud stuff
peace
Aight mate, you've got the concept there but the only bad thing
is that you didn't execute it in all aspects. You rhyme scheme lacked
a lot of depth and you forced rhymes here and there.
E.g:
the repitition of .."less" doesn't work here. But it could be easily fixed.teared about by love vandals,and that hug is now meaningless
like a untrustworthy promise slipped threw the mouth its feelingless
Yopur emotion was your biggest asset here and its easy to
put across when doing a subject like you did. Drawing it out
is the easy part but putting it into words is a different matter.
You did ok here, and the content was cool so just keep
writing and throwing up some better internals etc.
Props..
-Brix.
ArtificialIntelligence
Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton
yea good piece man nice flow nice structure nice vocab not alot bad i can say about it really. alot of wat ur saying is very true n i could relate to it easily. very deep aswell and i like that in a verse thats how u really grab someones attention. ill giv this 9/10
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