Another wrong choice

[Engivale]

I play the Game and say the same tired lines,
Higher climbs to peaks the mountain sleeps to choir rhymes;
Finer times gone by, let the song die on the lips,
Find the abyss and see the light evening despite what it is...
Sight of a miss, Sound of a bullseye ---
Fools lie and rules try to announce how they pull my
puppet strings, Once it brings me attention,
A mention, it's what it means to be esteemed by contention...
When men sin it's usually because we were taught to,
'We ought to,' Name your price, explain to Christ how he bought you

Lookin' for love, in a book and above,
My periph is a gift that's mistooken as tough;
I'm shook and I'm shoved, pushed in a corner,
the former Me bares his Teeth just to warn Her...
A warmer sensation --- dissipates, then --- I'm cold;
Told there's nothing more of me to behold...
Now I'm seein' the fold in the crease of life's leaflets,
minors see shit that I don't --- Even Believe In,
Put the key in the locked door, Tupac's for the thug in us,
Somethin' just made Biggie take Eminem's pity and it wasn't us...

The final point I make is a joint of shake,
smoked slow and toked low to a coin I've made...
Join the wave, the rhythm, the movement,
the Dude meant to get a rug but then what's the amusement?
Lust's an improvement from boredom,
...Post mortem...
Close to true but it's mostly you that,
...Shows for them...
Sort stem from seed, greed loses the battle ---
Paddle shore to shore for the war painted pastel,
castle in stones, saddles and thrones,
Cattle and the...
Pen to pad will never add to the tombs...

Death waits for Checkmates,
the rest quakes on the gameboard,
Pray to the same Lord, 'Gimme Gimme!'
What if we were the main course?
Aflame swords on bodies so obvious,
on we rest from death's honestness...
The pawn is bliss, we think it's expendable,
but men with will are no longer plentiful...

Fear is the norm, Steerin' the swarm,
From near to the form
to my soul's holes clear to the
Pier in the storm...

The lighthouse blinks, the White House thinks,
The right doubts clink in the armor
of what Karma sings...
Be you --- Love others, fuck pain,
What's to gain from under covers without a mother's claim?



EDIT:

LINKS 2MORROW. WROTE THIS 2NIGHT DECIDED TO POST B4 I DRIVE HOME 2MORROW. PEACE, IF U LIKE IT, TELL ME WHY...

[Vincent Maestro]

okay...but i really wasn't feeling the concept...well-written tho....
had good lines but nothing really stood out to me
6/10
just my opinion..
holla

[LedgenZ]

Okay, well I'll be hitting this up sometimes tomorrow once I get back in. So be on the look-out until then. Pz

[Engivale]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rt-353739.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-353521.html

^^^LINKS

[Witty]

Upping this. Thanks for following the rules.

[The Vortex]

interesting piece yo..... flow was very expressive indeed, wording was nicely clarified and deftly poetic...

these lines were str8 Knockout--

Find the abyss and see the light evening despite what it is...
Sight of a miss, Sound of a bullseye ---
Fools lie and rules try to announce how they pull my
puppet strings, Once it brings me attention,
A mention

rhymes was mad tite, and the descriptions was dope...

seemed like the topic was going to elsewhere after reading the first verse,
but then it takes a full twist and delves into the world of hip hop i guess, with the mentioning of biggie pac n all that. i don't know if i completely liked the second verse as such, i mean it was written well and all, but diddnt seem to gel.... or knock me out much as an original concept.



these lines sort of twisted it all back into shape--

Join the wave, the rhythm, the movement,
the Dude meant to get a rug but then what's the amusement?
Lust's an improvement from boredom,
...Post mortem...
Close to true but it's mostly you that,
...Shows for them...
Sort stem from seed, greed loses the battle ---
Paddle shore to shore for the war painted pastel,
castle in stones, saddles and thrones,



those lines was most dope fa'real........rhyme scheme was crisp n imagery was illy............. nicely thought - out poetic lines



all in all t'was a metaphorically sound piece. and had its moments of excellence....... . some parts were more say poems on there own in a way, ie the small poem verses that had lines with only a few syllables.....

nicee writing and expression no doubt

peace

[.SuiGeneris.]

This is my first time actually reading your piece and this was good. I like the concept, very much original but I think you didn't really dominate it like you wanted to. The word-choices was the 'bomb', it blew me away

Death waits for Checkmates,
the rest quakes on the gameboard,
Pray to the same Lord, 'Gimme Gimme!'
What if we were the main course?
Aflame swords on bodies so obvious,
on we rest from death's honestness...
The pawn is bliss, we think it's expendable,
but men with will are no longer plentiful...

^^ Love that stanza.

Your approach to the Topic was brilliant, the content was Nice. The emotion/tone was good too, you've very much express what you wanted to express in this piece. You have your own unique style and I like that, the flow was good. This felt to me, a Poetic Piece somewhat, so I can say 'metaphorically' this piece was Nice...But some-what..This really didn't grasp me though. Anywho..Good drop. 1luv.