Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Check..
check
C L [A] S H
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http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_RC5PpUwFxE...-manhattan.jpg
“The Year is 1959 Physicist Dr. Jonathan "Jon" Osterman was transformed into a blue-skinned god-like being after he was accidentally disintegrated in an "Intrinsic Field Sub tractor. Within a few months, his disembodied consciousness managed to reconstruct a physical body for itself, assisted in part (it is implied) by his childhood training in watch repair and a solid understanding of precision assembly and disassembly. He is immediately pressed into service by the United States Government, who gives him the name Doctor Manhattan, after the Manhattan Project”
59’ tinkering on an "Intrinsic Field Subtractor,
Lives work, problem pinpointed to the cataclysmic yield compactor.
Working on a deadline, the government needs this device,
First test, dimming of lights, not enough power something isn’t right!
First affected my sight, felt the power of God gripping me tight,
Then the laboratory ignites, tripping from fright, I fled in the night.
Cherenkov radiation responsible for the coughing and adaptations,
Lie dying and waiting, asking for relief of septic abrasions.
I am granted my wish… although only briefly.
http://www.virginmedia.com/images/1w...-manhattan.jpg
A few months dead yet I’m totally aware of everything.
I’m getting more intelligent and my IQ is accelerating,
Recreating cellular walls trying to rebuild flesh
Start with my brain, face, eyes and neck,
Regain my once disembodied consciousness,
And realize I’m blue, I look preposterous to the populace,
It’s true, yet whatever I do, the hue remains,
Few complaints, as I realize I have few restraints,
Consciousness linked to reality on a quantum level,
My dearest Silk Specter, her touch missed so sensual,
No need to hide my testicles from the impressionable.
Cause I can teleport, my power immeasurable.
President Nixon personally asks me to quickly intervene,
The G.I’s misery In Vietnam is sickly seen,
So I decide to stop communism right in its tracks,
My mind made up as Marines fight right at my back
Rice paddies like puddles, crushing vegetation under feet,
Thunderous heat, burning V.C who fight while others take flight in retreat,
Wonderous treat it is when Silk see’s how I actually saved lives,
Misbehaved wife, love strayed while I was away nights.
Countless souls taken weighing heavily on my consciousness,
Noxious phosphorous was marvelous in its harmfulness.
But I understand there’s simply more to life than adulterous wives.
It could’ve been my stubbornness or the suddenness my heart was knifed
Love deprived as soon as the news arrived felt as if I would die,
Revenge the act, teleport Silk to Mars were Earth is seen in the sky/
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...es/1girl-1.png
HOF nominee
Not Impressed
http://i991.photobucket.com/albums/a...tures/1tea.png
See it through my eyes...
She arrived to the house for the first time, and she hoped it would be...
The last stop for this orphan visiting her 3rd foster home in a week
Seven years old, but too many families always did her wrong...
Malnourishment, negligent, or siblings who could never get along
But this place was like a mirror of her vision...
She had been thru hell plenty, but here it was different
An emotional girl, Sally had been known to cry...
But never like this day, when dad found out she told a lie
If only she was able to do more than just cry now...
She'd pour her eyes out to never again go on "time out"
Because while her room was decorated, flowers and toys...
It seemed as if it was sound proof how noone noticed her shouts or the noice
Or her "dad" with his voice, messing up the bedding with his baby...
It seemed like every day he would press her saying "never disobey me"
Would come every night drunk and grimace, touch her stomach, kiss it...
And between you n eye, in the blink of an eye turned to "family man" for every monthly visit
Sally had noone to turn to, she just laid in bed and stirred...
Because Mr. Best Dad Ever would kill her if she ever said a word
Instead the curse words still poured on her innocent ears...
Every night she hated being violated as she shedded her tears
And foster services would come every once and awhile...
And daddy would set up her tea set and tell her to smile
There were no talks of dispute, or any abrupt noise...
All they saw was a happy Sally sitting at her flowered table with stuffed toys
Dad continued to do so, for many years to come...
And the tears she rubbed could've filled up and cleared the tub
The fact this was wrong, was just so obvious to me...
And if the walls of this room could talk then they'd agree
She wasn't the first of this though, but I couldn't say this out loud...
Because I was just a purple hippo, and had to stay in the background
C L [A] S H
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Nice verse man good battle.
Good stuff, both of you...
Dub - Really interesting way to bring the topic in...The details were well developed and so was the background of the story/character...The rhyme scheme was simple but the end rhymes were nice because of the words, such as consciousness, and populace...Good piece. Should've joined earlier would've been nice to se what you would've done with other topics we had...
ALIEN - I'm going to start with the, not really bad, but weaknesses...sometimes the multi was missed, and the words sometimes stumbled through in your long lines without internals connecting words...however, the wording was good because you didn't force anything, and the detail you chose to right was very nice. No graphicness, but you gave us enough to let our minds do the rest, solid piece and very good emotion in this. I really enjoyed this, however, the ending was a little cheesy...not the concept, which was a nice flip on the "if these walls could talk" making it into a stuffed animal...I tihnk it was just the way you presented it could've been done a little more clever...I dunno.
Vote - Alien...
good stuff tho, both of you as I said.
This is my signature...
Alien wins (3-1)
Dub loses (1-1)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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