Storyteller (6-7) vs. Gwapfather (5-4)

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!

[The Gwapfather]

Check, good luck write..

[Spoken]

Well bada bing


Chin check

[Spoken]

So I picked up a pen...
-and wrote

[b]November 7th, 2008

Dear Diary,
They said that what is left had been placed for a purpose,
Then I guess being alone is to better define I'm worthless.
Honestly,is it worth it when they're forging the truth,
Because with other people I seem to be missing a screw.
Always center of attention when there's a lesson to take-
The scolding which leaves me open as a golden display.
It's been some odd years that has brought me to a haven,
Where everything seems ok to say I need a soul to save me.
Because in this life I fight with no partner beside,
So I need that extra comfort to come forth and be mine.

*reminiscing a couple pages back* 
http://i51.tinypic.com/15q7ua9.png
January 13th, 2001

Well...
How do I begin? This pain is ripping tears,
Into pieces for pieces of happiness to appear.
Thoughts asunder I wander into a realm of broken hearts,
Because this pain that is a stain keeps me falling apart.
She was the light of my life and time has taken his sister
So my son sits alone on his own cold and withered.
Asking me different questions I feel like I'm guessing to answer,
How does one respond to one being gone because of cancer.
This is to much to hold I can't take it it's cold, see...
Life is not complete when once a circle is bold and weak.

Fuck this is hard

*Today my emotions are different*
http://i51.tinypic.com/kd76gm.png
January 13th, 2009

So it's been a year since that fear of depression,
Now with smiles running wild I feel I've accepted.
The fact of her being gone and being strong for the rest,
Who always stayed and prayed along hoping for the best.
She's always missed with a deep mist filling belief in,
Cause lucifer came and couldn't slain my  family into pieces.
We stayed strong with hope and stayed afloat the water,
With drowning out of question cause expression is stronger.
I am a man of my word and couldn't swerve this day,
Because god has a plan and demands belief to be saved.
.
.
.
So even though she's gone we move along as one,
Because shines as our moon and as is proved as our sun.
She lights the way when dismay crushes our sight,
Because no matter the disaster she's always here in our lives.

We love you, Susan McDermott
-from father and family

[Spoken]

Such a Hall of Woot verse it was posted twice

[The Gwapfather]

Anyway I could post tomorrow? since ss was pushed back a day this week due to the site going down? I've been super busy, have had a shit load of collab tracks to do, gauntlet, btn tourney, and life in general, only got like 3 hours of sleep today and really not in the mood to try n whip something up, I'd like to put in a good effort, I got my topic thought out, let me know..

[The Gwapfather]

"A Love Patient"
Written by your Father


born in a city where her lust for love, these sins shackled
knowing very well God warned her not to touch the Big Apple
the first boy she'd meet, goes back a ways now
where they'd grow as one, hold hands n play house
both were so young, lookin forward to the rest of their lives
as they would then fall in love.. way ahead of their time
she was about to be 8, invited him to her birthday bash
not knowing it would come to be the worst day had
cuz he had a jerk face Dad.. who got shit faced on bacardi
and killed his son in a car crash, on the way to her party
wishing to see the light again, as she blew out the candles
sitting in the forshadows of her life, as still two of em crackled


http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/7575/ssweek14a.png


become overwhelmed, as she traveled in nature
carrying a coach bag.. but got bagged by the players
dated out the clubs with those who couldnt walk the walk, wasted
now aware that she was looking for love in all the wrong places
she'd tried finding a relationship, before finding herself
close to losing what she has left, like her mind n her health..
all the while in her journal, she jotted down her trials n tribulations
mistakes, verses new life long lessons.. creating a bible of innovation
her smile? instantaneous.. when she met a new love
after that new high it gave her, like it was the next to do drug
but then got tired of the rush, so quit wit the pain it withdrawls
getting closer to living in her own shadows, that painted the walls


http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/5411/ssweek14b.png


she then noosed the strings, to her newest swing
had a new perspective, yet the view confused her dreams
n everything she knew, it seemed.. but choosed to see
the useless things.. that now werent as big as they used to be
so as her heart grew diseased.. love was the only remedy
growing old, she's seventy.. holding memories as a lonely entity
after tons of times, the love she'd find, she hoped was magical
making the most compatible.. broke, not even close to casual
but lookin back, she wouldn't have lived it any differently
even when she passed the pearly gates n was hit wit an epiphany
...found her soul mate from the past, who's last age was seven
so as their eyes met again.. it was truly a match made in heaven


http://img847.imageshack.us/img847/5784/ssweek14.png


wit the final chapter of her life
she turned the last page, which sentenced
a forshadowing that she'd write
with her past ways as reference




...

[Spoken]

Votes?!

[Str8 JackIt]

vote = gwap father

born in a city where her lust for love, these sins shackled
knowing very well God warned her not to touch the Big Apple
the first boy she'd meet, goes back a ways now
where they'd grow as one, hold hands n play house

had a better opener, good flow and emotion, some imagery in there as well

i feel as if gwap had a more interesting tale...better laid out and choice of pictures for each section....followed through clean from beginning to end...vocab wasn't necessary, nor wordplay for that matter...just well played content with a concept not normally seen....IMO

Well...
How do I begin? This pain is ripping tears,
Into pieces for pieces of happiness to appear.
Thoughts asunder I wander into a realm of broken hearts,
Because this pain that is a stain keeps me falling apart.

i tihnk these were some good lines from storytellers drop...
but i think yours lacked more depth that it could've had....more depth would've made your drop killer in my opinion....

[Vinzr]

Story - Good drop here, I kind of liked the approach you went with here. It's not the most original concept around but I think it worked with the way you were able to execute it, I would have liked to see a bit more done and expressed so it would seem more original but I think you did pretty well with what you had here.

Gwap - Your piece seemed more anchored and had more of a focus on the whole concept. I was feeling your story telling and how the whole piece panned out and the transitions from one part to another was also good. As usual you were able to get drop some really good stuff here.

Both went with the multiple picture approach and I don't think either really did bad at all with it. But I think Gwap was able to produce a more polished verse here.

v/ Gwap

[Express'on]

I like urs quite a bit I think all of the pictures took away from this however, the running trend of fabricating complex concepts with multiple pictures is becoming more and more redundant. The picture I think u really used was actually the last one. The first two Imo u forced some language to match the picture and I really think it took away

Ok again with the multiple pictures, I think u did a little better than the stories however the last one was unnecessary I think u only put it on there because of the "match made in heaven" line and that just wasnt enough. The third stanza really lacked the flow ur first 2 had as well as the storyline that fell completely off.



she then noosed the strings, to her newest swing
had a new perspective, yet the view confused her dreams
n everything she knew, it seemed.. but choosed to see
the useless things.. that now werent as big as they used to be

that was dope.

Also ur rhyme scheme and vocabulary to minimize the wordy lines, that draw out the read and make it longer than it has to be


vote gwap for a using 2-3 pics efficiently

[Jukon]

Interesting battle, both of you took risks with using multiple pictures because it's either a hit or a miss. I think both of you executed it efficiently, but Story you lacked a bit in the 'tying the pictures together' category. While each picture had their own story it just wasn't ALL put together in the correct manner. I enjoyed the emotion in yours though, Story. I think you drew it out a little more than it should have been though, I somewhat lost interest during the last verse. You had a solid flow throughout and like I said, it was enjoyable up until the last verse where I felt like you were just writing to fill in a line amount. Gwap, this was really nice. I think you did a little better job at tying all the pictures together while still having different stories throughout. I'm definitely becoming a fan of yours man, you tend to drop solid pieces with emotion while still conveying a message w/ some pretty interesting metaphors.

Overall, both brought nice pieces to the table but I feel Gwap gets the win for a cleaner execution. Not to take anything away from Story cause he can write dope when he's in the zone, I just wish he would have been able to tie them together better.

v/ gwapdaughter

[Brandon Cee]

Gwap wins (6-4)
Story loses (6-8)

CLOSED