Gorvernment Corruption

[.Nell.]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...253/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...061/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...331/index.html

im on weak benefits now and i just ask myself
cutting money, no jobs you wont pass it out
i feel like im trapped the've corrupted my mind
the government owns us, the've abducted my life
obeyed like a lonely soul till i erupted inside
saying "this isnt fine" your giving suckers advice
fuck up, dont blow yourself up, im having it hard
sending people to the sky like gravity's halved
obamas here, innocent lives took, add osamas beard
its all anger filling me up, more far from tears
freedom still doesnt fully exist, create a brand
stamp it real, make fists throw them up make a stand
why employ people without knowledge it takes a man
leaving the country broke with no first aid at hand
elections for likes, not who fit the position
now its all spiralled out, you cant fix the condition

fixed the spelling lol.

[trajik]

I enjoyed the flow to this piece, that is what stood out most to me. Next was your terrible spelling, you should take the time to proofread and use a spell check, I had to re read a few lines because the spelling errors messed up the read. You have a nice concept here, and you executed it pretty well, i could feel the frustration of your piece as I read it, so your emotion has a presence which is always a good thing. It's nice to see that you know how to use multis, as each line ended in a few syllables being rhymed, it would have been nice though, to see some internal rhyme action. That said, you kept me intrigued for the entire read. Keep writing man, always improve.

[WhatsHisFace]

Vary nice piece, great topic to write about also. I really like the ending to your piece. Your finish is excellet to the current topic. Well done. Also, your opinion was great, your voice was loud and the details you gave backed it up.

One thing about this piece is your descreption on the topic, I wish had more details and reasons about what is happeneing. You only gave about 2 then went to your opinion. Next time, add more description to the current situation. It would make people understand you better.

Other then that, nice job.