A little something (add a verse or comment)

[G5murdaadem]

Lavish...filled baggage,
Bugatti wippen but I could've bought the horse carriage,
All my haters are the maddest,
Let me send this Facebook status,
What's really good what's the purpose,
U stunting on the gram 9 likes make you nervous,
100 likes will bring that confidence to surface,
True you a bad bitch but is it really worth this,
U can be doing other shit instead of always posting selfies,
That Internet love is an addiction ya next caption should be help me,
If I'm wrong I'm wrong but I know social media is a wicked manipulator,
Instacrush that's cute...direct message oh shoot ... Two weeks later,
He's in the baby maker

[Zoshi]

The first 6 lines got me thinking swag fag. The structure isn't the way it's supposed to be. You seem new to this? Try getting the syllables matching or almost matching on each line, that helps it a lot and it makes it look good. Your last 2 lines also have the messed up structure I was talking about. Here let me try to fix your "rap"

I'm richer then the rich, I got lavish filled baggage
Come in with a bugatti but could of brought the horse carriage
I love my haters they all be the maddest
Commentin' hateful shit on ever facebook status

^ I ain't got time to the rest lol but that's a idea of how it's supposed to be
Keep it up though! And welcome to RB (: Practice is improvement

[G5murdaadem]

The first 6 lines got me thinking swag fag. The structure isn't the way it's supposed to be. You seem new to this? Try getting the syllables matching or almost matching on each line, that helps it a lot and it makes it look good. Your last 2 lines also have the messed up structure I was talking about. Here let me try to fix your "rap"

I'm richer then the rich, I got lavish filled baggage
Come in with a bugatti but could of brought the horse carriage
I love my haters they all be the maddest
Commentin' hateful shit on ever facebook status

^ I ain't got time to the rest lol but that's a idea of how it's supposed to be
Keep it up though! And welcome to RB (: Practice is improvement

Truuuue. I definitely see what you mean. Thank you!

[Zoshi]

No problem, it's always nice to see new rappers come in the game (:

[G5murdaadem]

No problem, it's always nice to see new rappers come in the game (:

More like "Poets" trying to rap lol

[Zoshi]

Lol if your a poet make sure to check out the haiku league or any other thing related to poetry lol. @Truth Iscariot can help you out on that he's one of the best poets on the site. BTW I'm only 12 (no lie) so lol for my age I murder

[G5murdaadem]

Lol if your a poet make sure to check out the haiku league or any other thing related to poetry lol. @Truth Iscariot can help you out on that he's one of the best poets on the site. BTW I'm only 12 (no lie) so lol for my age I murder

I'm not even sure how to navigate through this site. I really want to text battle lol. 12????? Yeah you're awesome. You're fathering the old heads.

[Zoshi]

Lmfao if you don't know how to navigate through the site then scroll the the bottom of the page, click rap battles (its in white print) and a lot of sections should pop up. If you want to text battle, call someone out in the "Bitch Slapped" section, or you can volunteer as a opponent. Bitch slap is in "Front Lines" So basically, click the rap battle on the bottom of the page, click "Front Lines" then click Bitch Slapped and make a thread to find someone to battle, and put how many lines you want it to be and the time limit. Good luck.

[G5murdaadem]

Lmfao if you don't know how to navigate through the site then scroll the the bottom of the page, click rap battles (its in white print) and a lot of sections should pop up. If you want to text battle, call someone out in the "Bitch Slapped" section, or you can volunteer as a opponent. Bitch slap is in "Front Lines" So basically, click the rap battle on the bottom of the page, click "Front Lines" then click Bitch Slapped and make a thread to find someone to battle, and put how many lines you want it to be and the time limit. Good luck.

Bingo! You're good at this lmao.

[Zoshi]

Thanks, lol just trying to help.

[Truth Iscariot]

I'd be more than happy to help with poetry

[Zoshi]

Of course you would lol

[Calcium]

This is not bad but not great. You got the basics of rhyming down. I'd like you to tell a story and layer it with emotional detail plus imagery. I like what i see, just tighten up on vocabulary and the literature elements. Try dropping a more serious topic next time. I'd be curious to see how you roll with the jawn.

[143]

OK this is written like you were spitting this. Here that's cool but you got to have consistant lines. Audio type pieces have shorter lines like the first 2 line you wrote. Had you kept that format this could have hit a little harder. Like the other peeps says, it's time for some complexity in your rhyming and if you need a vocabulary boost, no one is deeper than me...I'll show you a thing or two....keep writing man.