The City of Drugs (no-show SS verse)

[Narrator]

b]Topic[/b]



Give me a minute,
...i'll show you an emotionless void
Childhood antics; minus oceans of toys
Where hopes are destroyed & death statistics are up
Welcome to my home, we call it, "The City of Drugs"
Alchemy plus a little chemical skills
To let your ventricles feel, either the liquid or pills.
Experience Intimate chills of a syringe penetrating your skin
Releasing all basic functions til you're complacent within.
suitcases full of quaaludes, some xannys & percs
And a .357 revolver in case our enemies lurk.
Methamphetamine urge? We have just what you need
But be warned, the higher the demand.. the higher the fees
It's not that we're greedy, we're businessmen, minus the suits
& our product's are top notch. We white glove our vials & tubes.
In other words,
We stand by our merchandise supplying only the best
So whether you're feeling lonely, or in a mode of regret...
We have just what you need to help you cope with the stress
So tell us your goals, to either control or supress
Cause from weed to coke, or just some E to roll..
We'll fill in that role, so give us a test
Sure addiction's a bitch and kills a limited few
But it brings home the bacon..
& nobody cares about an addict, especially if the addict is you.

[Endeva.]

thought this was good m8, I liked the rhyme scheme for the most, not over complex, but a steady flow... it was maybe a bit generic in places, by that I mean 'the typical angle' but I liked the mood to it... only thing i wasn't keen on was the last two bars, the structure of them, didn't sit as well as the rest,

all in all a nice drop m8, I fucking hate being no-showed

pz

[Truth Iscariot]

Good shit Nar, I thoroughly enjoyed this. the flow was nice, and this was a smooth read. I liked the message of this and really thought your rhyme scheme was an attribute to the piece as a whole. I enjoyed the descriptive language which really submersed the reader into the feel of the piece. Thought this was an awesome take on the topic and one of my favorite pieces i've seen from you bro, keep it up

[whitesmoke96]

from the beginning until the last couple lines shit was solid. real shit man nobody can talk this way, keep the perspective on drugs, economics and wealth, and actually convince them that's where you're at if you're not. multis blow me away in this one, even more so than the element of hardness in this. just fix up the last lines, (they seem forced), and you'll be set

[Echelon]

This was a nice piece, Narrator.

I genuinely enjoyed the story told here. It had a nice feel to it all. There were a few slant rhymes that threw me off flow-wise, but that isn't a major critique. It's all about content, then mechanics. Your tone was pretty solid for the most part, I do agree that the end lines seemed a bit forced. The tone was changed there, and I didn't like it. Felt out of place. That's really my only critique. Keep writing!