In The Bed of Blades and Love

[TheIllyricist]

Wine trickles from my dripping blade
sheathed within your beating crimson

Drums pound upon a snow-white field,
our bodies entangled in silk-twined war

Ruffled sheets stained, scorched
with liquid fire forged deep;
interwoven hearts
locked, by blades

Primal rivers course eternal,
I am but a savage flurry
destined by divine
chains

bound by bitter planes linked

to conflict
to hate

Wading amongst whirlwinds,
knives baring aimless fangs
that cut and scar
your petals

But, Cytherea you still twirl
through my storm to take

my hardened hands;
lead me

to bathe in bliss-soaked
ecstasy, entangled

strung up by your
unconditional caress

We are lost,
engulfed by the everlasting flames
I am cursed

We are lost,
traversing enchanted woods
painted by your passion

Sensuous charms of
temptress gaze,
longing touches
promise

forever embrace
to the rapturous clutches
of,

your bed
our bed

Coils undone, this welcome and
familiar war breaks

And I do not know why
I leave, but I do

Warmth forsaken

Cold mattress stained
with your tears
left

in pain littered background
as I go

To seek answers
over a horizon of false
misplaced dreams

The only dream I need
is that which I left behind

Perhaps, one day
your flowers will bloom
undying

upon this lonely sword.


----

http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...-of-my-silence
http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread...thirtieth-year

[Emily]

Sorry I missed this The Illyricist, I'll get to it.

In the meantime, bumping for feed.

[English]

yo my nignog i used cytherea in one of my poems here like 10 years ago writing when i was fucking hammereddd of some single malt scottish whisky and i thought i was only one who thought of her in those terms. you're a fucking legend, mate. you are. or did you mean the porn star that was gang raped? that story was fucked up. anywhere here it is:

http://www.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?488629-dronk

i love you man don't worry.

[Emily]

In The Bed of Blades and Love
There's a lot that I love about that title, and none of it is good lol.
It's a great title.



Wine trickles from my dripping blade
sheathed within your beating crimson

Drums pound upon a snow-white field,
our bodies entangled in silk-twined war
Wow. Nice way to embody love making. Nice way to wrap it all up, or, unwrap it, and have it on show.
Or at least, I think I think it's about love making. That bit ...'drums pound upon a snow-white field' -- You certainly
have a way with words. The imagery in that is insane.

Ruffled sheets stained, scorched
with liquid fire forged deep;
interwoven hearts
locked, by blades
How interesting. '...locked, by blades' I didn't expect that. The descriptions here are wonderful. Graphic but clean and pure in a sensational way.

Primal rivers course eternal,
I am but a savage flurry
destined by divine
chains
Divine chains? You're bringing a whole new lot of pictures forward. The divine bit here, is divine. And 'divine chains' is so wrong, its right. Beautiful wording.

bound by bitter planes linked

to conflict
to hate
Wow. All this could be metaphorical love. This could reflect anyone's situation where the struggle between love and war collide.

Wading amongst whirlwinds,
knives baring aimless fangs
that cut and scar
your petals
Probably my favourite part so far. It's entirely twisted. Not sure if you've got a victim or vixen with you here, but there's a grey area and you've entirely crossed it. The oppositional wording works for me. I like The prettiness of certain wording like, ending this part with the words 'your petals' ...so delicate and elegant, but...you've gone chopping and slicing and dicing all that up. It makes for a lovely sickness that my curiosity, appreciates.

But, Cytherea you still twirl
through my storm to take

my hardened hands;
lead me

Actually, this is my favourite part lol. Your pace is spot on and it's backed by regal tone.
Ἀφροδίτη, the Greek goddess of love, beauty, pleasure, and procreation is loving you, Im sure.
You've got this wording down pat. Especially this bit..."...But, Cytherea you still twirl
through my storm..."

to bathe in bliss-soaked
ecstasy, entangled

strung up by your
unconditional caress

We are lost,
engulfed by the everlasting flames
I am cursed

We are lost,
traversing enchanted woods
painted by your passion

Sensuous charms of
temptress gaze,
longing touches
promise

forever embrace
to the rapturous clutches
of,

your bed
our bed

Coils undone, this welcome and
familiar war breaks

And I do not know why
I leave, but I do

Warmth forsaken

Cold mattress stained
with your tears
left

in pain littered background
as I go

To seek answers
over a horizon of false
misplaced dreams

The only dream I need
is that which I left behind

Perhaps, one day
your flowers will bloom
undying

upon this lonely sword.

Wow. Nice way to end this. It went out with obvious sadness, and sorrow adds so much to this. The emotions were on high alert the whole way through and they captivated me. The irony of you leaving and then searching your dreams for what it was you left behind, that's great writing. Great presence. Because even though you've gone, the thought of her still lingers. You captured the imagery supremely. It was vivid and interesting. I thought the style of this was simple and called for. The structure works well. With poetry with this type of theme, it can be easy to fall into the cliche' mold, but you never did. You've left organic wording trail blazing at stages until the fire burnt out but the spark never did. I like it. I found no redundant word choices. This was a beautiful ballad of love and loss. You were able to pull heart strings imo and that's, a bonus when reading words on paper. You give them life and they move, they move me. This was different and a pleasure to read TheIllyricist. You've got a lovely talent for poetry.

Great Read.

[Skybones]

You paint a vivid picture. Striking and thought evoking well done.