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Thread: “Daddy”

  1. #1
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Lightbulb “Daddy”



    “She has her Father’s eyes,” said the nurse on the late shift
    turning to face me, child in arms, to present our perfect new baby.
    I lift her to the safety of my chest while changing position
    so baby can listen as our two hearts beat as one in circadian rhythm.
    I cradle the infant in the secure crevice of my arm
    with the presence of a guardian who’ll never bring her harm.
    “Your daddy’s precious little darling, aren’t you?” said with a kiss
    to the forehead as I lift you to meet my trembling lips.
    I’ll never admit it, but it scares me to think of the thought
    of how I witnessed you born strangled by your own umbilical cord.
    The image still haunts me. The seconds that followed your birth
    possibly turning the happiest day of my life into one of the worst.
    I watched as the surgeons fought to free you and keep you alive
    reaching inside your mothers stomach as I feared for your life
    squeezing her tightly. “Is everything okay?” your mother asked
    I couldn’t answer. “What’s happening?” she shot me a worried glance.
    I remember looking back into her sad and nervous eyes
    I took her the hand of hers in mine because we hadn’t heard you cry.
    I lacked the words to try and console her, even if I had wanted.
    I couldn’t bear to think of the consequence.
    You were still irresponsive.
    I felt her wedding ring as it prodded into the flesh of my palm
    its emeralds sharp against my skin, yet the pain was felt in my heart.
    The specialists started lowering you body into an incubation pod
    It’s so painful watching, fearful that your little angels gone.
    Every minute taking longer than it ever has before.
    Every second passing more slowly than I remember that’s for sure.
    It’s only then you gasped to call out beneath its halogen lights
    Your passionate cries opening the floodgates as tears ran from my eyes.
    I remember standing beside you gazing happily
    I hadn’t just became a dad, you went and made a man of me.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


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  2. #2
    The Man in Black Soule's Avatar
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    Re: “Daddy”

    Hard to tell if this is a legitimate personal piece or if it's fiction. Also hard to tell if it's new or an older piece you decided to repost. The wording here makes it seem older but I also know when we write personal pieces that are emotion driven our technique tends to lessen for the sake of getting it off our chest. Conceptually, this is gripping. As a parent, and husband, one can definitely connect with this. The idea of almost losing a baby is an anxious one. Your wording fell apart from time to time which is a rare fault for you but to me I feel like this piece was meant more for the events that unfolded than the technique used. Keep writing.

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    Originally Posted by Wuxia
    You're a really talented writer. And I've only ever said that to Baron Mynd.

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