User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: The Art of War in Love

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    NY, CT, NC (CT currently)
    Posts
    905
    Battle Record
    0-1

    The Art of War in Love

    The Art of War in Love
    Very Raw, unproofed multi-syllabic challenge @Belligerent


    STRICTLY DRAFT, COMMUNITY WORK, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SUGGEST CHANGES AND REARRANGES ETC

    Every word seems absurd cause they heard all about you
    And how you do, and how you did, how were through, and you how you facing a bid
    When I wrote song cry, the words just flew, but I never knew, the song was about you too
    I keep writing like I am obsessed, like my pen is possessed, cause in my words I can’t find true
    I can’t sufficiently make tears of my ink or proficiently make sense of your link, I can’t think, and I can’t cry
    But I refuse to look to the sky and ask one more time why… you lost your alibi
    I swore to the end I’d be true, but look how I do, I’m finally through, no love lost, none due
    YOU! You tore me down but didn’t care to build me back up
    You left me broken, shattered and beaten – lost like a pup?
    Was it my strength you couldn’t stand, how I’d land on my feet and command on demand
    Was it my heart that you thought was so weak, at times I couldn’t even speak cause the words I seek were forgotten like a curse
    But what’s worse, is your dead, dead to me as if this mind is your hearse and my heart your coffin
    Now and then I think of us, but memories are now coming less often
    You no longer soften my anger, instead you envoke my pain, you drive me insane, and you have scarred my brain… I’ll never be the same
    By you, I will always be damaged, perhaps my advantage given by Tsu… I have the wind against the enemy general – which is now you
    If I call war, I need to flood you like never before but the victim will always be me
    Always will I be stuck in this backwards legacy cause so easily I see your pain
    It’s like your last stand, your final battle was me… only I ain’t the heart to hurt you like the hurt you deserve to see
    Silently, I have you surrounded… ready to blow my guns at any given moment… you thought I was your weakest but I can be proven to be your most worthy opponent
    I can’t call it, I can’t pull my guns out on you, I can’t do it cause I know what it will do
    You will never recover, you will never know the comforting hand of your lover, you will never trust another ever again
    But I will no longer be soft on you, just fall back and give me the respect that is due, I’ve got all arms on you, so don’t make me do what I am supposed to do which is long over due… Ok?
    Just let me walk away… painless and free… and never call me back to see what was destined to be that went so wrong, and never invoke your spirit in another one of my song
    I pray, I pray I finally made my song cry cause I no longer want to think about why…
    Or how, or when it all went so wrong, or how I could let it go on for so long
    Bye Baby, a final tear just rolled down my cheek, and though I feel weak, I know my strength is building within, I will win if even evened in sin, me and you will never be again. Not even a friend. My confident until the end I have set soaring back on wings of the fallen angel he send… Tis now the end.

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: The Art of War in Love

    Much better. Now work on wording a bit. I understand you prefer this free pen style but try getting a storyline and going off it. When I write, all my pieces are stories. With a beginning, middle and end. There's imagery that wraps my readers in as if they're watching a movie in their head. Free verses like this are nice to read here and there in the open mic but if you'll be competing in the league looking for the title -- you'll want to start writing with concepts. Liking the progress, keep writing bud.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    NY, CT, NC (CT currently)
    Posts
    905
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: The Art of War in Love

    Thanks @Belligerent

  4. #4
    I'll have the gabagool Fresh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    20,532
    Battle Record
    96-70
    Awards FL Tournament Winner - Award nomination from Spree accepted. 75+ Wins 1-2 Punch HW Champion LLL Champion Cypher Winner OM HOF FL Champion

    Re: The Art of War in Love

    I thought this was really well done. You definitely elevated. You're using internal rhymes and making it flow nicely still. Your multi's aren't really shining through yet, but with writing this good, It almost seems like a shame to try and deter you in any way. I will say this, keep on doing what your doing, and if you feel you want to start incorporating multis then practice it up, but either way its a good read you can really feel your emotions leaking out from the words.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    NY, CT, NC (CT currently)
    Posts
    905
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: The Art of War in Love

    Thank you @xXFresHXx trying to raise the bar some and trying different styles, I still can't write without a beat but I'll get there. LoL

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! CLA203's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2025
    Posts
    68

    Re: The Art of War in Love

    Repost

    - - - Updated - - -

    It’s the second time it’s happened now

Similar Threads

  1. The War of Art
    By Space Cadet in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: April 16th, 2005, 03:59 PM
  2. .........Art Of War..........
    By C. GunZ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: February 28th, 2005, 01:51 PM
  3. The Art Of War...
    By Incineratedrose in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: November 12th, 2004, 10:33 AM
  4. \\\**Art of wAr====>>>
    By boston strangala in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: June 3rd, 2002, 02:32 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •